Compassion vs Criticism

Imagine a flower but instead of the usual process of it moving from bud to bloom it went in reverse, full bloom and then moved into the tightest of buds, so tight that none of its inherent beauty remained and it went into decay.

Now imagine you and your creativity and think of the ways you think and feel about yourself when you are processing an idea. How do you nurture yourself to grow this idea into fruition? Do you talk kindly to yourself and show some compassion along the creative journey or do you instead criticise yourself for making mistakes, of not making the best work, of doing it wrong.

Can you see how one is in harmony with the process of blooming your creative impulses and the other more critical stance pulls your creativity into a tight bud, not allowing for any growth and only offering it a fast track to its demise.  

We are brought up on a culture of no pain no gain. It takes blood, sweat and tears. All these metaphors and analogies related to suffering in one way or another for something great to materialise. And we do this with ourselves too.

I am not talking about the sweat and strength it takes to run a marathon or the hours we all put in when writing a dissertation. I am talking about the way we talk ourselves through this process.

I am intrigued by the way in which our inner voices are far removed from being the cheerleaders they could be and instead work against us and we achieve in spite of the internal voices we hear not because of their support.

The reason I find it intriguing, is because for the most part of my life I have been motivated, if you can call it that, not from a space of positive enhancement of my abilities but from the very reverse. From a place of high criticism and judgement and that had been a driving force for me getting things done. I worked hard and I did what I felt was needed, but no matter the level of work I put in, or the hours, it wasn’t the work itself that was the difficult part. It was creating the work whilst working against the voice in my head.

A flower doesn’t contend with the internal voices of a highly critical housemate who is incessantly telling it how wrong it is, how slow it is growing how it could look better, do better, be a better flower. Flowers, as far as I know don’t have that to battle. But we as humans do.

Obviously if you are fortunate enough to have a cheerleader within chanting positive affirmations your way then you are onto a winner. But if, like me you have had more negative imaginings then positive about yourself, then the whole process of creating can be a battle of two wills. The inspiration to create and the gatekeeper of a voice that keeps reminding you of all the ways you are not creative enough.