The Stories We Tell Ourselves
We are all storytellers. That is how humans convey messages, through stories we tell ourselves and share with others. We may not think much of them, but they are powerful in their telling and they shape the way we see ourselves and act in the world. They hold a potency that we have no idea about and if we did we would be more masterful at the stories we tell, especially about ourselves.
We create myths about our personal traits and then we go about proving those myths to ourselves over and over again. That is what we as humans like to do, prove ourselves right repeatedly. Firmly embed our beliefs until there is no room for questioning or doubt. And yet, this does not serve us.
In creating stories about ourselves we close doors that could otherwise be open to us. Imagine yourself standing in the centre of a circular room. You are surrounded by doors the whole way around. As you begin to tell us the story of yourself, you notice some doors opening and others firmly shutting. You are free to walk through any of the open doors and explore further and as for the closed doors. You will never get to venture beyond them, you will never get to see what is on the other side of them.
This is what myths are made of. We tell ourselves that we are good at maths, bad at cooking and great at directions but terrible at art. In very few words, you have created both open and closed doors. As soon as we say we are good at something, there is a lightness and openness around it. If I think I am good at maths I am way more open to exploring harder questions or not feeling the need to pull out my phone to work out the dinner bill. I have confidence within myself that anything maths related I can work with and I will prove myself right; that I am good at maths. I’ll try that bit harder and go that much further to prove this point. Equally, if I think I am bad at art, then I am unlikely to explore any artistic mediums. I have created a blanket statement, that I am not good at art and that covers multiple genres. I have closed a door that potentially holds infinite possibilities that I will never get to experiment with.
Ideally we don’t want closed doors around us. We want to keep doors open so that we have the freedom to engage in activities we are curious about. We are not going to want to go through every open door but we do not want to limit ourselves to just a few because we have labelled ourselves bad at something. Especially if that something is an area we have a desire to delve into but have told ourselves it is beyond us and not within our capacities.
Ideally what we need is to drop the story of ourselves altogether. We are then totally free to become whatever the moment requires of us and we get to form and reshape whatever we want to explore without being tied to a set of narratives that limit and bind us to a life we may very well be outgrowing.
It is like putting on a straight jacket and limiting your movements. The idea of a story about ourselves gives us a sense of belonging and security. We feel like we know where our edges are, how far to step so we don’t fall off any cliff edges. It gives us a sense of grounding. Yet, it is this grounding and false sense of security that limits us and our capabilities. None of these concepts of security and grounding are real, they are all stories; illusions we live by so they feel real. But we have all had moments when life required us to step out of our stories and become someone else and we did it. In emergency situations or when another person whom we care deeply about needs us to be someone other than we think we are, we morph into. We step up to the plate and the only reason we are able to do that is because we are not made of solid stone and set in our ways irreversibly. It is because we are made up of any number of potentials and possibilities and if need be, we can transform rapidly if the situation requires.
It is worth taking the time to question the stories we hold about ourselves and see how many ways they might be closing doors that you would otherwise prefer were open that you would like to walk through. Try dropping the story of you and see what that feels like. See what doors that open for you and then walk through them and see what lies beyond; what new paths you are free to explore.