What Is The Weight Of Your Luggage?

If I were to ask you what is stopping you from creating the art you wish to make, what would you tell me? Would you speak of all the ways the world prevents you from doing what you wish to do. Would you speak of all the objects and concepts outside of you from people, time, money and your environment that prevent you from making the art you so desire to make. At what point do you think you would consider turning away from all the external factors and taking the time to look within?

Because something that stops creative activity which is unseen and not spoken about and that is the internal baggage we are hauling around on a daily basis. All the things that have scarred us internally, all the fears we hold about ourselves not being good enough. All the thoughts and feelings that combine to make a palette of hues about you that define you as flawed. None of this has to be true, but if you believe it is, then it is for you and you are carrying the weight of those beliefs around with you. 

Thoughts and feelings are ephemeral; we cannot reach inside of us and pull them out and hold them in our hands and show another. We can’t say look at this boulder of regret I am lugging around with me all day everyday, look at the size of it, it is so heavy and it slows me down. If only I could get rid of it, I would feel way better. It would be a literal weight off my shoulders. And this is what beliefs about ourselves do. They are invisible and intangible to the eye but within us they live and direct us and indeed they slow us down. Our belief in them is what gives them a weight that they don’t own or deserve. We have weighted them down and we can sense the load. 

So there is no visible boulder to the eye, but inside of us we feel limited and slowed down as if we were carrying this gigantic rock around with us. And it does stop us from moving in directions we desire or at the speed we would like. It doesn’t allow for momentum because it is always there reminding us how heavy it is and how it belongs to us and who we are responsible for it. We don’t question why it is there or better still that we are free to leave it behind anytime we wish. We don’t even realise it is a thought and not an object. We behave as though it is made from a material that is immovable and unshakeable and that if only we became someone else, behave differently, then it would disappear. Except we are the creators of it and therefore we are the only ones that have the power to destroy it. 

So why don’t we? Because we are scared. Scared that this rock of beliefs is a truth teller, that all these heavy and dark thoughts we hold about ourselves are true and we want to hide in shame from them, so we don’t speak of them or share them with another for fear of what they might think. Instead we hoard the rock even though we want to be rid of it. 

If we were going to stretch this analogy as far as we could, then it would be wise to turn to this rock and say what do you want? And the rock would turn around and say, I don’t know, you made me, what do you want with me? And you would say, I want you to protect me from the fear that I am not good enough and if I was to make art or create what it is I want in the world, I would fail and my deepest fear that I am not good enough would be verified, it would be true. So whilst I have not tried, not attempted to do what I actually want, then I have the comfort of feeling like things are still possible. This rock is a figment of your imagination created in an attempt to protect you from failure, from the sight of others witnessing your lack of success. 

All these words are just an attempt to wake you up to the fact that those beliefs about yourself and your creativity, that you can’t, that you don’t know how, that you are not good enough are what you have created into a rock that you now carry around with you. And it is this imaginary rock that is what creates more imaginary things like blocks and obstacles. The beauty of knowing this is that you can remove the rock, break it into tiny pieces, blow it up, throw it out and all those barriers to you accessing your own creative impulses disappear and you are free to make art, or whatever else you desire to shape in this world. 

It may not be easy, it may not be quick, but it will feel better without the weight of that rock and you will know that your mind can create such powerful ideas and imagery that you might decide to put it to better use.